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The Freak-o-meter

I’m just about ready to overshoot my freak-o-meter.  Would you care to join me?  Are you feeling it too?

Maybe you have no idea what I’m talking about and you are asking your self,  What is a freak-o-meter?  A freak-o-meter measures the intensity of a freak out.

As I said I am about to overshoot mine.  Why?  Because summer is hard.  And it’s not even hot out.  I should be as cool as the weather.  Instead my freak-o-meter is sky-rocketing.

Here are just a few reasons.  Feel free to add your own:

1. I am tired of all the social media, blogs, etc. that are telling me I’m doing it wrong.  They are offering steps to do everything better – write better, blog better, eat better, make your kids be better than the best.  I’m tired of it.  You are not inspiring.  You are making me feel like a colossal failure.

2. Also on social media I subscribe to a few blogs about healthy eating, natural living, etc.  I like them and they have some good stuff but I get weary about hearing about kids who eat broccoli sandwiches washed down by seaweed shakes and topped off with Brussels sprout gluten-free cake.  Really?  All this does is make me think about how I need to improve my kids.  It’s not them.  It’s me.  I know this.  I get cranky as I feed them stuff they won’t eat.  Because my kids will go hungry rather than eat what they don’t want to.  Remember they come from two extremely strong-willed people.  That would equal three strong wills in one body.  I can only fight so many battles at once.

3. I am competing for time on the computer with my two boys.  It’s making me irritated to say the least.  We do have time limits in place before you get all excited.  It’s not working in my favour.  Therefore I have written two blogs in two weeks.  If I try to work, they are breathing down my neck or reading over my shoulder.  Grrrr.  The Freak-o-meter jumped another number right there!

4. On the computer is a stupid game I allowed them to download.  I researched it.  I really did.  All they want to do is play this game.  There is nothing really wrong with this game.  Except it makes them freak out at times.  Which then the game is revoked for a time being.  This makes my own Freak-o-meter jump.  If you are going to point the finger and tell me I shouldn’t let them on the screens then I’m sorry I am not one of those moms.  Because really, they need to work in the world and learn to navigate those screens and use them for good.  We are told to be in the world not of it.  (So we have boundaries.) Or ignorant of it.  I’m trying to hit a balance.  Some days it works, others not so much.

5. I have had a few rants with God of late.  I’m not sure He’s seeing things my way.  This makes me really want to have a hissy fit!

These are just a few of the things driving me to a major freak out.  All these things irritating me, at the root, are the same thing.

You are not enough.  You never will be.

It’s a lie that slithers around, hissing at me from social media, tv, my own thoughts.  I readily believe it.  I’ve written about it before.  I want to slink back to my cave and hide. It’s so much easier.  I don’t want to be available when God calls because I’m afraid I’ll fail.  If I stay hidden, he won’t see me right?

As I surreptitiously made my way back to the cave the other day, thinking I could get away with hiding, God reminded me that he had called me out of there.  “What about being available?”  Shoot.  I hate writing about stuff only to have it put back in front of me!

Ugh, you see my freak-o-meter God?  It’s shows I’m a failure.  I’m not enough.  I never will be.

He really didn’t see it that way.  Instead He showed me how those words “I’m not enough” is really a twofold bold-faced lie.  I was familiar with the one.  The other was a surprise. 
 Satan uses the “not enough” phrase to keep us down.  We are easily deceived.  We are bad.  We can’t do it. Nothings going to change.  Yup sounds about right.

But the second part of that lie, is actually a truth.  We are not enough.  We can’t do it.  We never will.  It’s not what God intended for us.  Instead he wants us to give ourselves over to Him and then through Him, we will be enough.  He will give us what we need to overcome and do and be.

I was reminded, listening to a speaker at camp, that we were given it all when we said we loved Him and would give our lives over to Him. We can’t and won’t be enough.  But He is.

My freak-o-meter is starting to descend.  How about yours?  I don’t think it’s instantaneous though.  It’s going to take some time.  These lies have been with us so long, it’s going to take retraining.  Maybe a lot.  I’ve got a few things to think about.  What about you?

What’s making your freak-o-meter sky-rocket these days?  What lies are you listening to?