A little family update. A few months back I blogged as a guest on Mark’s blog, about moving the boys to a new private school. The decision was the result of a year and a half of struggle, bullying by both students and teachers, and academic boredom at the old school. As a flipped through a journal I read an entry from November 2012.
Where you go, I’ll go
Where you move, I’ll move
I will follow you. (Chris Tomlin)
“Sang that chorus this morning. Last January when we were moving I really liked that song…Today I almost hated singing that song…I’m thinking about the cost of following God…I’m feeling the cost. The boys are feeling it. Not ever did I imagine they would be paying the price the most for moving away.” And then I listed what they had lost. There were a good five or six things on that list including friends, an amazing public school and awesome teachers. My feelings that day almost a year after moving? Sadness, grief, anger, guilt. They were legitimate emotions. Don’t ever kid yourself. If you want to follow God, really follow, they’ll be a cost. He told us that in the bible.
The fishermen left families, businesses and friends to follow Him. He told the rich young ruler to sell everything and follow him. What they had to ask themselves, and we do to, is it worth it? The rich young ruler said no. But those twelve guys, they said yes and their lives were never the same. It’s been the same for us too. That doesn’t mean it’s not hard. Agonizing some days. I know you know that to be true too.
As we approach the two year mark of moving from Windsor to Kitchener, thankfully things have improved. That decision to switch schools has played a huge part in bettering our situation. Thank you to everyone who prayed with us as we made that difficult decision. Four months in and I still feel so thankful every day that I drop the boys off.
The grieving process is still ongoing, especially for the boys but it’s getting better. I still grieve too. It’s been my experience that it takes three years to feel at home in a new city and house. It takes longer to establish friendships and support. But I’ve come to terms with some of the other emotions. The guilt for making the decision to move has abated. Partly because some of the things they lost moving here have been found in the new school. I’ve also accepted that we can’t go against God’s plans and we were meant to be here. That, I am certain of.
Oh and I’m no longer mad at Mark for being a pastor and moving us around the country! It was fleeting but it’s always a good thing: not wanting to shoot daggers at your husband!
As I sat reflecting on what I had written just over a year ago, I felt thankful. Yes, the cost was high but I have a lot to be thankful for. Over the course of a year, things change. Some things get better. Some stay the same and others worsen. I’ve experienced all three. For the most part, things have improved and I’m so grateful. I’m not sure I would have recognized it, if I hadn’t read that journal entry. I realized something. Sometimes we need to remember where we were to appreciate what He’s done for us, where He’s brought us.
Practicing remembrance of how God has worked in our lives always brings hope, gratitude and a deep knowledge of who God is and what he longs to do in our lives.
Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you, he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him. Joshua 30:18 NIV
Do you keep a journal or a record of your life? Maybe in 2014 start writing down what’s happening and then in a year’s time, you’ll see God’s handprints all over your life! Wouldn’t that be exciting?!